Humorous Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas Quotes Humorous


Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
- Anonymous

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year."
- P.J. O'Rourke

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
- Johnny Carson

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
- Larry Wilde

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
- Humorous quote by Erma Bombeck

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.
- Charles Dickens

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
- Humorous saying by Shirley Temple

People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December."
- Ogden Nash

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Xmas.
- Johnny Carson

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
- Humorous Dave Barry Quotes

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.
- Kate L. Bosher

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
- Humorous Christmas quotes by W.C. Fields
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